An Account Gathered By Mormon And Kept By Moroni From The Plates Of Nephi And Other Records
Page 15An Account Gathered By Mormon And Kept By Moroni From The Plates Of Nephi And Other Records
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Wherefore, this is an abridgment of the record of certain ancient Snake People, who wandered through mountains, deserts, libraries, arguments, kitchens, rivers, and several highly unnecessary committees; written to those who have been named, classified, corrected, ranked, shamed, redeemed, marketed to, or otherwise informed by strangers what they are supposed to be.
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Written partly by prophecy, partly by memory, partly by metaphor, partly by people who were probably very tired, and partly by later editors who admit that a good story is not automatically a factual report.
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Translated from Reformed Serpentian, a language for which no accredited university presently offers a minor.
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If there are faults, behold, they are the faults of writers, translators, narrators, printers, readers, cognitive compression, insufficient coffee, and Change.
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The Testimony Concerning The Plates
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Be it known unto all nations, kindreds, tongues, people, departments, boards, committees, project managers, and persons who have somehow been added to a meeting without being told why:
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1 We have not seen the plates.
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2 Neither have we hefted them with our hands.
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3 Neither did an angel lay them before us while a convenient witness stood nearby.
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4 We therefore bear no testimony that physical plates presently exist.
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5 Nevertheless, there is a book.
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6 And there are stories.
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7 And there are experiences from which the stories arose.
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8 And there are propositions worth examining whether or not any plate ever lay beneath any stone.
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9 Wherefore, if a future plate be discovered, let it be examined with enthusiasm.
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10 And if none be discovered, let not the absence of metal excuse us from asking good questions.