The witness who had not arrived

1 And I shit you not, a herald announced that no person had proved the Golden Plates impossible.

2 The assembly was moved, for the sentence was large enough to house many conclusions.

3 An engraver asked whether any person had proved that a second set of plates did not lie beneath the herald’s breakfast.

4 The herald said that no such second set had been reported. The engraver replied that this made their concealment exceptionally successful.

5 A third person announced a library beneath the moon. Its catalogue was unavailable, which explained why no one had contradicted it.

6 The herald perceived that the method was admitting too many publishers.

7 He therefore proposed a special rule for his own plates. The engraver asked where the rule had been found.

8 They opened the book and discovered that it was more interesting when read than when defended against every possible question.

9 One reader laughed at a clerk. Another underlined a sentence. Another disputed an entire chapter.

10 The book survived all three events.

11 The herald had hoped to abolish uncertainty. Instead he was invited to read something useful within it.

12 And the witness who had not arrived was relieved of giving testimony.

13 His place in the minutes was left empty, which was the most accurate thing he had contributed.